Relationships can be a great source of love, pleasure, support and excitement. However, they can also be a source of grief and anguish if they go wrong. Sometimes, even in a strong marriage, there will be times when changes happen and you may hit rockier patches. Some relationships labor under the pressure of one partner suffering an addiction. Other times, sexual issues can create tension leading to a breakdown in communication. However, many issues and problems can be resolved if you want to try and salvage the relationship rather than walk away. Here are some of the more common relationship mistakes that you should be aware of so that when they do come up, you're in a better position to do something about it.


The most common cause of disagreement between couples is money and it can cause fundamental problems if not dealt with. Complicating the matter is that many of us find it difficult to openly discuss money issues. One reason that makes it so hard is that money can represent very different things to different people. According to David Bach, the best-selling author of Smart Couples Finish Rich, "People are often emotional, rather than strategic, about money. Money is very powerful and if you like to be the controlling personality in the relationship, it is easy to use money as a tool to gain and stay in control."

Saving strategies: To avoid 5 destructive conflicts over finances, experts suggest that couples sit down regularly to discuss their finances in detail. Says Kevin Mathews, financial advisor, "For many couples, having separate accounts and a third household account is a method that works. Others prefer a joint account with a specific allowance; each person can spend as they see fit. For instance, you could both agree to put 10 per cent of your income in personal accounts and put the remainder in a joint account. Also, do not keep money secrets. You should disclose as much as you can to each other, including your salary, debts and loans, inheritance, savings and credit status."


This is incredibly common. Lack of communication is one of the key reasons for problems in the bedroom. Says Dr Nancy Walters, psychotherapist and counselor, "Individuals who carry large amounts of pressure for weeks and months on end often experience sexual problems. Also, women need emotional closeness in order to desire sex, but there's no reason things can't work the same way for men. Often, sexual problems are just symptoms of the real issues between two people. But talking is a key component in building trust and intimacy."

Saving strategies: Relationship experts encourage couples to actively look for opportunities to express their care and appreciation every single day. "Sometimes, a low level of sexual desire can be a reflection of feeling stressed and unusually overbooked. So take a good, long look at your daily activities. Find specific ways to create better balance. Also, pay close attention to sexual triggers or cues. Take note of what excites you, as it differs for everyone. It is also important to communicate your needs to your partner. So if you need more foreplay or anything else, then ask for it. Expecting your partner to read your mind is a guaranteed recipe for disaster -especially in the bedroom. If your sex life is not a priority to you, you can hardly expect it to be satisfying. Don't be fooled. Keeping your sex life spicy and interesting in a marriage takes effort and attention."


The conflict over domestic duties around the house is second only to conflict over money in a marriage. It is true that though many women work outside the home, they still tend to do most of the household chores. This is because it has been ingrained in both sexes to perceive household chores and childrearing as the woman's primary responsibility. "Male roles have been more typically oriented outside the home. Only until very recently in human history has this perception begun to shift. For the first time in history, women can find themselves juggling an unprecedented number of roles - wife, mother, homemaker, professional, community leader and caretaker to ageing parents." Thus, when women try to juggle so many roles, conflicts over chores can rise. In reality, chores around the house should be shared responsibilities.

Saving strategies: Don't ask your husband for help - this implies you are the one primarily responsible for the domestic duties. This is not the case in a marriage that is a healthy partnership. Instead, focus on him doing his share. Set your priorities as a couple. What is truly important to each of you? Discuss who is willing to do what and come up with a mutual solution to the problem. Make sure to pick the right moment to discuss this issue. The right time to discuss things is not in the heat of an argument over dirty dishes. Wait for the right moment when you both have the time and energy to discuss things with maturity, clarity and above all, respect.


It is true that we can't choose our in-laws - when you get married to someone, their parents come as part of the package. So, whether you've had them for months or years, in-law conflicts are certainly nothing new. "No matter how troublesome your in-laws may seem, you need to take the lead in working toward solving the problems. If you see your in-laws as the enemy, you'll never get anywhere with them. One thing that might help is to remember that your mother-or father-in law is different from your own parents. You cannot compare the two, because, in most cases, your in-laws will always come up short. Therefore, you need to get to know them for who they are, not for what you want them to be."

Saving strategies: Every couple struggles with in-law issues, so it is important to communicate to one another how his/her actions affect your sense of safety as a couple. It is also important to set healthy boundaries with your in-laws. "When you see problems with your in-laws on the horizon, first talk to your husband and decide how you're going to handle these issues together. Then you can put up a united front when you deal with your in-laws. And, finally, make sure you know where your husband stands, and that he's willing to stand with you as a teammate."


Every parent will agree on one thing: that they want the best for their children. What is 'best' is entirely up to an individual's interpretation. So what happens when couples have very different ideas about parenting styles? The result is conflict. But when different parenting styles continually clash, experts warn, it can erode a marriage and jeopardize kids' healthy development. "The whole world is focused on parenting," "But couples don't know that resolving stuff between them is at least half of being a good parent."

Saving strategies: Research on families shows that when couples don't build an effective parenting partnership, marriages and children both suffer. "Fortunately, kids don't need carbon-copy parents ... as long as their parents agree to live by some basic guidelines. The ultimate goal is to combine viewpoints and remain united. The most important thing a couple can do for their children and for their marriage is to remain united when raising and disciplining their children. This does not mean that you agree on everything, it means you support one another as parents, and show yourselves as a unified front to your children," they say. Once each parent acknowledges that their intentions are the same for their children to grow up and be happy and successful adults - a workable solution for the family is within sight.


If you or your spouse has had an affair, it's very likely that your relationship is in big trouble. Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity, which can wreck a marriage, shatter trust and create a breeding ground for insecurity, mistrust and resentment. Divorce may seem like a likely answer at this point, but marriage counselors say it is a wound that can be healed - albeit slowly. An affair is a loud and clear signal that your relationship needs serious re-examining. But, don't assume your marriage is definitely over. In the majority of cases, it's possible, with determination and outside help, to salvage your relationship.

Saving strategies: There is no 'quick fix' to repair the damage caused by unfaithfulness. "The process takes time - often years - and you need a great deal of patience to handle the disappointment and disillusionment along the way." "Recovering from an affair is difficult and an ongoing process. Marriage counseling can help you put the affair into perspective, explore underlying marital problems, learn how to rebuild and strengthen your relationship, and avoid divorce - if that's the mutual goal. Also, the person who had the affair needs to end it completely and the other spouse needs to forgive and move on."


Marriages can be ruined by poor communication. Rather than openly discuss issues, couples hint about their concerns or simply say nothing. But without support and understanding from your spouse, you do not go as far. For example, perhaps the wife may feel her husband is too withdrawn; he won't tell her what he is thinking or feeling. Or maybe the husband feels his wife is asking for too much emotional talk and expects much more than he can give. Or for some couples, all discussions about the household finances lead to heated arguments rather than the resolution of their money worries.

Saving strategies: Communicating well with your spouse is absolutely crucial to having a great marriage. "Communication is the way you let your spouse know what you are feeling and what you need from him or her. When you listen carefully, you are showing your spouse how important he or she is to you. When you talk with each other, make sure you give each other your undivided attention, make eye contact, and use good timing. If you and your spouse communicate well, you will be in the best position to fully appreciate each other and solve your differences." Remember that virtually every conflict in a relationship, whether it centers on sex, kids or money, can be resolved if people know how to communicate properly


Sooner or later, most married persons reach a line marking the watershed between romance and love. "Some couples can get devastated when they experience loss of love. Some try to recapture the sensation of being in love, either with their spouse, or with a new lover. Others resign themselves to a loveless marriage. For some, the romance is gone. The thought of him, the touch of him, no longer thrills. The line has been reached. The choice now is not if I love him, but whether I will love him. But one should remember that romance happens; love doesn't.”

Saving strategies: So, if your marriage seems unsatisfying, you must first look at what you are putting into it, rather than what you're getting out of it. You cannot expect more from a relationship than you are willing to put into it.

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