You'd think over familiarity in marriage would be as comfortable as wearing old, well-worn, oh-so-soft-'n-roomy sandals, wouldn't you? But, somehow, it doesn't quite work that way. If the sandals look shoddy, you can tenderly keep them out of sight. But, if your spouse nonchalantly passes wind, liberally picks his nose and teeth, loudly belches and burps, inelegantly scratches his crotch, you....just....can't shove him under the table. I've witnessed varied reactions from different wives. The nervous, whinnying laugh, the studiedly blank expression. The sudden rapid-fire talking with all punctuation pauses obliterated. What do such reactions tell us? You don't need to be an expert to know that romance has been systematically squashed and smothered to death. A girl certainly doesn't want to be touched by a guy who....you know....does all those....uhm....er... displeasing things.


Most - not all - guys grow up thinking, "I can do anything I want to." This is not self-confidence. Implicit is the arrogant it's-a-man's-world assumption. When he gets married, unfortunately, that belief gets extended to: "I can do anything in front of my wife because she is my wife." Sorry guys, it doesn't hold water anymore. It never did. Our mamas and grand mamas were more long-suffering and less outspoken, that's all. The fact is: boorish personal practices stink. It's like bringing a dirty monkey into your marriage and bed. It fouls up your relationship.


What fosters these bad habits? Poor upbringing where parents never corrected the boy. Worse. They laughed indulgently. So, unconsciously, a belch becomes a means to getting indulgent attention. It's a tiny seed of immaturity sown in ignorance. Such immaturity can also turn ugly. I know of a guy who viciously addresses his wife as "You useless, good-for-nothing b.....h!" if she doesn't do what he expects her to do. Rude 'n crude, huh? Such guys are burdens on their wives. And they must go for a complete emotional makeover i.e. grow up emotionally, mature emotionally. How does a guy go about it? Well, he has to take personal responsibility, get a grip on himself, and be sterner with himself. A slack attitude has to be tautened. An undisciplined way of being has to be disciplined. Would he do these things or talk this way in front of somebody he respects - his boss, guru, client, etc? Would he behave this way in a temple with the wise, all-seeing eyes of the deity fixed on him? Sure, he can relax with his wife. But, he must discern the difference between being relaxed and being slack.


Interestingly, it has been found that romance and respect go hand-in-hand to build a great marriage. Doesn't that tell us a helluva lot? Respect is the magical key, the magical attitude that the guy must develop for his mate. Respect differs from admiration. You admire somebody means you look up to, you idealize that person. Admiration is often based on your illusion that she "suits you" or "is perfect for you." Respect goes deeper. She is not quite what you expected, has her own ways that may not match yours and you respect her for it. Respect is between two equals, two partners. There is no question of condemning, putting her down or scratching your unmentionables mindlessly. When you respect your spouse, you automatically nurture her self-esteem. You may good-humouredly say you are completely flummoxed by her ways, but there is acceptance, there is love and yes, romance blooms in both hearts. Respect is a beautiful vibration. It sees what is there in the mate with affability, it sees what is potentially there as well, and it reveres even the mystery of the unknown in her. It makes the man into a gentleman.


Romance is that element of exquisite beauty in a relationship. When the depth of respect and the beauty of romance enter a relationship, the self-seeking ego ceases to dominate. In such a relationship, he is alert to her wants above his own, her ease above his. Please understand this, guys: a respectful attitude does not mean you become her slave, it means you do not become a slave to your ego. The ego is a grabber; it always expects and wants something. When it feels that she is not 'delivering', it either behaves offensively or becomes utterly indifferent. Thus, the ego can never have a relationship, forget a romantic one. The consequences of an ego-based marriage are terrible on both: stress, simmering tension in the house, ill health like hypertension, headaches, etc, irritation, a feeling of constantly walking on eggshells, savage negativity, lack of togetherness, a your-family-versus-my-family-stand-off, loss of productivity, loneliness, low morale, low energy, unhappiness, crying, sulking, my-life-is-worthless feelings.


1. Having her face light up when she spots you.

2. Giving her a flower. Making a cup of coffee for her.

3. SMSing her 'I love you'.

4. Understanding and accepting her, without judging.

5. Being inspired by her good/efficient/ sensible ways.

6. Not being possessive about her, rather than trusting her.

7. Seeing her sweetness when she doesn't have her make-up on.

8. Not trespassing on her territory (of friendships, etc.)

9. Valuing the special, unique quality she brings to your life.

10. Wanting the best for her, not for her to be the best.

11. Telling her she is the best.


Let's get our perspective right: a relationship is supposed to nurture, stimulate, encourage, and support both partners. A home should vibrate with peace and harmony. And it is important that the male partner too contribute to this positivist full-heartedly and in a responsible manner. To do this successfully, he must keep his ego out of the house and work on eliminating some undesirable traits:

Negative trait: The 'I'm the boss' attitude it destroys love and romance.



Replace with: 'We are partners" - it's a you-win-I-win attitude that believes in peace, health, happiness.


Negative trait: Lack of courtesy and consideration. Replace with: Caring and loving. Warmth in behavior ups romance and intimacy levels.


Negative trait: Crudeness. It is said that crudeness is often a cover-up for stupidity.

Replace with: Tact and sensitivity. These are great steady and comforting assets to a relationship.


Negative trait: Self-centeredness corrupts your perception and cripples your giving ability.

Replace with: Selflessness - a big hearted willingness to unconditionally share your life.


Negative trait: Arrogance - it is the garbage of a small, petty, demanding mind.

Replace with: Empathy that says in words, action, and behavior: We are together to make each other's life easier.


Negative trait: Passing wind, picking nose, etc. are yucky.

Replace with: Doing them solo in the privacy of the bathroom. Better still, discipline thy mind and body and do away with them.


It is important for every couple to remember that we are but fellow travelers here on earth. No one is superior to the other. Make life simpler, less materialistic. This is the best way to invite joy into your home. Make room for love not another piece of expensive furniture. Be a flower on the plant of marriage, not a thorn.


1. Book a hotel Room: Privacy, comfort and the fact that there are no doorbells to deal with are more than enough to get you in the mood for romance.

2. A Spa Package: Allow your loved one some royal treatment and watch him glow as he returns from the spa.

3. A Customized photo Album: A compilation of all the special pictures you share, accompanied by your own thoughts penned alongside - it's sure to bring a smile to your beloved's face!

4. Cook a Special Meal: The special feeling experienced when your loved one thoughtfully prepares a meal for you is unsurpassable!

5. Lingerie: The good old gift of lingerie will never lose its charm - it reminds your lady that you still fancy her!

6. A CD of Romantic Songs: Compile all those songs that held so much meaning for you during your courtship on CD and gift it to your beloved - and watch her eyes light up!

7. Candlelight Dinner: Flowers, candles and a meal for two - the works. Believe us, your beloved will suddenly find you a lot more attractive in the candlelight!

8. Love Diary: Make a little pocket book that serves as your love diary. Fill it with pictures, notes and memories that take you back to those moments you cherished.

9. A Weekend Trip: Organize a surprise weekend trip just for the two of you and whisk her away without any prior notice to your own little holiday!

10. A Warm Quilt: Make a personalized quilt embroidered with your names and intimate endearments. During all those lonely moments, it's the perfect thing to cuddle up with!

11. Jewelry: A beautiful pearl, a striking diamond, a glittering gem will make your loved one feel very special.

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