Boost Up your Child

If Your Child is the Bully

One of the most difficult situations that a parent Boost Up your Childhas to face is to discover that your child has been bullying another child. A call from the class teacher or a confrontation from another parent may be your first clue of anti-social behavior - he has given a seven-year-old a broken nose because he refused to play hand ball; she has blackeyed her ten-year-old classmate because she wouldn't lend her a coveted belt. Try not to panic or over-react.

Firstly, the chronic bully whose behaviour is out of control and is consistently violent. In this case you need professional help.

Secondly, the more typical temporary bully whose behaviour has been traumatized by a new baby, battling parents, a divorce, a death in the family.

Watch out if your child

• Is bigger than the peer group

• Wants his/her way all the time

• Wants to be the centre of attention

• Is often smacked by you

• Is often in trouble

• Disobeys adults

• Does not study

• Has few friends

• Comes home with unaccounted money, objects, and toys.

So what do you do?

For starters, stay calm. Your child Boost Up your Childneeds the help and support of both parents, not condemnation, at this stage.

• Try to discover if your child has been the victim of bullying at any time. Many bullies have been bullied themselves.

• Find out what your child has been accused of and whether it has happened before.

• Meet the concerned parents or class teacher, out of school hours, to discuss the matter and listen carefully.

• Don't take on a confrontational or defensive attitude. It puts people's backs up.

This does not mean that you should condone your child's behaviour. Explain to your child that bullying is unacceptable, that there is a huge difference between aggression and assertion. The child must apologise to the victim, in a short note or even a muttered "sorry". He or she should do something to make amends - perhaps replace something that has been broken or taken, or invite the victim to play. You should also keep in close touch with the school authorities to monitor the situation as sometimes other children torment bullies who are trying to reform.



If Your Child is Being Bullied

He or she may not actually tell you.

Bullies often warn the victims not to tell anyone, but a change in behavior may indicate problems.

Warning signs are sudden

• Bed wetting

• Feeling ill before school

• Refusing to go to school

• Not wanting you in school

• Faring badly in school

• Lack in confidence and self esteem

• Crying at bedtime

• Torn books or clothes

• Unexplained scratches and bruises

• Playing truant

• Requests for more pocket money, and even taking money from your wallet

• Not wanting to go out to play

Try to coax your child into talking about what is happening. Create a scenario where your child's friend had her homework ruined by a classmate. Ask your child what she would do if she saw this happening. Watch her reactions carefully. If she is being bullied it may take her some time before Boost Up your Childshe feels able to talk about it. Children are often bullied if there is something different about them. For instance, they may be very quiet, shy loners. Or they may be too tall or too fat, with oily or unkempt hair, body odour or bad breath. If it is something you can do nothing about, such as height or a limp, help your child to accept and be positive about the attribute and encourage other strengths to raise self esteem. On the other hand you can change quite a few things for the better.

Listen attentively while your child tells you about the bullying. Complaining at the child's level to the teacher can rebound. The child may have suffered in silence for ages and is often embarrassed about what has been happening. Many children tend to blame themselves. Reassure your child that it was right to tell you, and stress that things will not worsen because of the disclosure. For a small child it is relatively easy to put a stop to the bullying by speaking sincerely in confidence to the parents and teachers concerned.

In case of violence it is vital to inform the school authorities immediately. Some switched-on institutions usually take a tough live on bullying. However there are still teachers and principals who deny that bullying takes place or try to turn the situation around and blame the parents for rearing a wimp.

Get your facts straight, go to the Board of Directors and voice your concerns, in writing and/or in person. If the outcome is still unsatisfactory, you may have to consider moving your child to another school, without making him or her feel guilty. Children whose health has been affected by bullying may need to receive specialized counseling. If the outcome is still unsatisfactory, you may have to consider moving your child to another school, without making him or her feel guilty.

Boost up the bullies and the bullied

Both kinds may lack self worth and need to pep up their confidence, so as to feel valued and loved by their parents. They need to know that they are capable of doing some things well and that these are appreciated. Give praise and positive strokes. A child who gets indifference or disparagement will feel bad, rather than secure and in control.